The cure of Staring at Genitals OCD

First of all, we have a Facebook support group for this issue.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/OCDstarring/

You are welcome to join. But please answer the application questions, because we don’t accept anyone.

What’s staring OCD ?

It is an issue that you don’t want to stare at people’s genitals ,or scared at looking at people’s genitals , so you end up actually staring at these areas.

Let’s say you meet an attractive female ,you keep telling yourself that you don’t want to look at her breasts , so you end up actually staring at her breasts. And she actually notices your perverted staring and gets disgusted from you. Maybe she looks down or adjust her blouse..etc,

Or maybe at work, you don’t want to creep your co-workers, so you end up staring at their privates all day long. And they all notice your staring and get disgusted from you. Or think you are gay!

I heard that some people have this fear of staring ,but don’t actually stare. I know that OCD is hard to live with ,but I am pretty sure it’s much easier for these who don’t stare to live by, than the people who actually stare!

I had lived with Pure-O (Pure obsessions) before , it is hard and depressing ,but still much easier than staring at your family members genitals,including kids! It is like comparing between cancer and Chronic Migraine.

Some people segregate staring into “Private staring” and “Peripheral staring”. I really can’t relate to this. Staring is staring! you always stare at genitals ,whether they are in front of you or at your side. It is the same thing to me. And luckily this article will help you if you have either issue.

Is it OCD ?

I totally believe it is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Because most of people (not all) I talked to, had a history of depression and OCD before “catching” this disease. Other people got staring OCD as their first obsession.

For me it had started with depression at age 16,then later on I obsessed about HIV and homophobia , then a series of different obsessions ,then I started to stare.

It is not Tourette’s , it is not a mysterious neurological disorder. It is actually OCD ,and it is important to acknowledge this ,before explaining the cure.

The elements of Staring OCD:

To treat staring OCD,we have to acknowledge it’s full spectrum of issues. And tackle all of them .All people focus solely on the “Eye movement” issue , but there is much more going on, beyond eye movements.

People on the Facebook group (or forums) write about “Techniques” that deal with the involuntary eye movement, but they ignore the root problem.

Staring OCD has 3 elements:

1 – Obsessions: That’s the root cause of staring. You ruminate all day about staring at people’s genitals ,for months and years. You go out then actually stare.

You go home blame yourself,feel bad , keep ruminating and obsessing ,then stare again and again, in endless cycle.

Some people say “They don’t think about staring”.. that’s not true at all . You had an issue of intrusive and obsessive thoughts before developing staring. These obsessive mind still hasn’t got cured. You are still obsessing in a faulty way , whether you feel it or not.

2-Staring: This is the second issue we have to deal with. I believe it is a “Trained reflex” or Acquired Reflex , like a boxer trained to block fast punches in milliseconds , or baseball player trained to catch a fast ball..etc,

You trained your eyes to instantly stare , so it has become a “reflex” embedded in your body and mind.

How? You obsess about staring,you go to a social interaction and keep telling yourself “don’t stare here,don’t stare here“..you brain get’s a signal of the exact location you are avoiding , then this signal is sent to your eyes ,then you stare. All in milliseconds..

It is like trying to avoid thinking of a purple elephant all day. So of course ,all you think about all day is a a purple elephant.

It is an acquired reflex , but the good news is that you can “untrain” your body from keeping doing it.

Yes, staring is curable and you can end this reflex. It is not a reflex you are born with ,like the gag reflex or the heart movements. It is something you have developed over the years , and it can be “undeveloped” again. Gradually!

3-Compulsions:

This is the 3rd element of Staring OCD ,and it has to be dealt with as well. Some people mistakenly think that compulsions are “Staring”..no!

Compulsions are physical and mental acts ,that try to ease or compensate the negatives of obsessions. These are the list of compulsions that need to be dealt with:

• Avoiding social situations
• Trying to make social interactions very short
• Stare hard into someone’s eyes to avoid genital staring
• Blocking your view with your arms
• Turning your head away or looking down.
• wearing dark glasses
• Closing your eyes
• Thinking your way out of staring
• Ruminating about solutions
• Not focusing on the conversation and occupy yourself with solutions to staring
• Tensing your body,flexing your face and eyes muscles
• ..etc,

This is the “Triangle” of staring OCD. And to effectively treat it,we have to deal with the whole triangle , not just the “reflex” as sufferers focus , nor just the obsessions and compulsions as psychiatrists focus..

My Old method to cure staring OCD:

We are human beings, we can do anything we set our mind to. We can’t be defeated by a disease. That had been my mindset for the last year ,until I developed a cure.

But why last year ?

To answer this question , I want to discuss with you the methods I had tried before to cope with this disease.

20 years ago I had no clue what was this. The only thing good I benefited from psychiatrists was that they told me it is OCD.

They kept trying SSRIs after SSRIs , then another anti Psychosis drugs..etc, None of them helped much , the only thing I got from these was big weight gain.

I bought books about OCD since I was 17 , I tried exposure , loop tapes..etc, The Book “Imp of the mind” by Lee Baer has a section or a story about staring OCD. But it discuses an idea , not a system or exercises to implement…

I guess after years not being able to treat myself , I kinda accepted it. My life wasn’t very bad . I had some friends ,  I got married ,  I had goals and dreams. Staring was still there , but not debilitating.

After I got married and had my first daughter , I kinda got cured. My mindset was , I don’t care about staring at all , if it happens , it happens. If I creep people , then be it . So it was minimal , I kinda forgot it because it wasn’t interfering much. What was the worst thing that can happen when I stare ? Nothing…

I was married , I had my own successful online business , so it was logical that I don’t care about people’s opinion. I didn’t need them at all. I also migrated to another country where I don’t have family or friends . So I haven’t been going to any social situations that trigger staring.

I noticed staring while in public transport, I ignored it and I accepted the idea of creeping people there , so it died as well.

I kept on giving people advice on the Facebook group, that the way to cure is to ignore what people think of you . Or even go creep people on purpose and stare at them!

While this advice is true ,and it works. But it is not very applicable , nor sustainable .

You can’t meet your family and stare at 4 years old kids. You can’t go to your boss at work and stare intensely at his private areas. You can’t meet your brother’s wife and stare at her tits. Props to you if you can , but lots of people can’t. And I now relate with them.

I didn’t relate with my fellow sufferers of this disease , because people weren’t important to me. They (people) was important to them (sufferers). Not all people have independent online business like me.  I thought they (sufferers) were whiners and pussies by not putting themselves out there and fully expose themselves.

But I got divorced last year (nothing related to staring). And I started to go out to meet women. Be it on Tinder dates , or speaking to them on the streets or at bars and clubs.

At the first couple of months I was doing OK in terms of staring, I was able to talk to women , staring was minimal. But as time had gone by , staring started to increase gradually.

I had been through that cycle: I minimally stared to a girl I talked to , then she had a bad reaction , then I got reactive , and I went into a downward spiral.

Staring got a hold of me again. It had become stronger and stronger day after day. It had become debilitating again. Not just with girls , but with everyone. Even the people I didn’t care about. Staring had started to spread like cancer into my life. AGAIN!

Because now I care about people. I care about women’s approval , I want to have a girlfriend and to have sex of course. And since I care about people , it is now harder to apply my old method , which was basically “Don’t care about people, let staring happen!”

Other issue about my old method , “Let staring happen , don’t resist it!” , is that it is a reactive method , not proactive. It means that you accept you are a slave to staring , and try to live your life normally.

You are not taking action towards the issue , you are not challenging it. And I believe nothing good comes from not making an effort.

It is similar to being fat , then you tell yourself that you will live a happy life and have a blast being fat. You then accept being fat , you go buy good clothes , you go meet women…etc,

But you are still fat , accepting that isn’t the best route in life , it is much better to eat healthy and lean down , than to surrender to your status and try to live a happy life. Yes you can live happily being fat , but it is not the right route.

So I said enough is enough , it is time to challenge this disease , and I had the mindset that I will cure it no matter what. If there is a will , there is a way.

New Cure for staring OCD (that works)!:

Before explaining the cure, I want to emphasise on something: You have intense staring now, it is spread in your body and mind like cancer. Let’s say staring intensity is 100% now.

So after weeks of doing these exercises (or less time) , staring may become 80% or 90%. Which is still intense! You may feel you are not making progress, but your feelings are wrong.

After beginning these exercises staring will persist , but less than before,so don’t get demotivated or worried. Keep doing the exercises and in few months you will be 100% Free!

It is like a fat guy that starts a weight loss journey. Today he is 100 Kg , after 2 weeks he is 98 kg , there is a progress , but he is still fat! So don’t get discouraged.

Second thing I want to say , is that you will feel the effect of these exercises from day one. And these are exercises that you can do anywhere!

You will be thrilled from the results,almost unbelievable,so you will be hooked on doing them consistently.

Dealing with the eye reflex:

I wrote that to cure staring OCD you have to deal with the 3 corners of the triangle. Obsessions,Compulsions and Eye reflex.

I developed exercises, that deal with the 3 issues at the same time. Logically because when you are at social interactions , the 3 issues happen simultaneously.

So how to deal with the eye reflex ? How to “untrain” our minds and bodies to stop this reflex?

An analogy would be, the boxer. When a boxer receives a punch towards his face, he quickly sways his head, as a trained reflex. To untrain the boxer from this reflex, he should reverse it. So he should start to intentionally move his head towards the punches!

At first , for every 100 punches he receives , he may be able to move his head towards 5 or 10 punches. Because the “trained” reflex is still deep inside him. But after a while of training, he will develop a new reflex , to move his head towards punches.

So how is that applicable to staring OCD? We have developed a reflex to resist staring at private parts. Huge huge resistance and fear of looking at private parts, you have no idea of this resistance until you try the exercises.

So to reverse this reflex, we have to train ourselves on the opposite, which is to stare intensely at these areas , for long times, without doing any “compulsions”.

We are doing the exact opposite of what we are used to, we are used to resist eyes movements, so we have to get used to stop resisting completely.

This is not applicable in real life situations. It is really really difficult to meet someone , then stare intensely at his groin , then keep talking for 10 minutes without lifting your eyes off his groin. Yes you can glance at it,you can talk and ignore the occasional staring, but fixating your eyes consistently at his groin for 10 minutes is very difficult.

So where to do this exercise? And how?

It has started with me after divorce. When I started to watch “Pickup” videos on Youtube. Where guys speak to girls. These videos triggered anxiety and actual staring. I felt like staring at the girls in the videos. I also imagined myself in the shoes of these guys and I kept staring at the girls in the videos. Very similar to what I would do in real life.

So I started to stare intentionally at the private areas of the girls in videos. To relieve my anxiety and resistance.

Then I started to download pictures of situations I fear. (I am still doing that)

I’d go out to talk with girls, then when I get back home I’d search for similar pictures to situations that triggered staring , and then keep staring intensely at it.

Let me give you an example for exercises to do. Let’s say you are in the tram , and a guy in front of you is triggering staring.

What you would do , is to go back home and download a picture like this:

And stare at his groin for minutes. You need to use the power of your imagination. You have to imagine you are actually in the tram and he is sitting across you. Don’t ignore this step ,or else it wouldn’t be very effective. Your mind can’t tell the difference between imagination and reality.

You will feel huge resistance when you fixate your eyes on his groin. You are trained to “resist” this area and you are doing the opposite now.

You may also feel slight pain in your brain , which is a very good feeling and an indication you are shaking a huge weight in your mind. Years of rotten reflexes.

And keep imagining you are actually in the tram and he is really infront of you. Try to replicate the actual feelings that come to you at the tram!

Exercise 2:

Imagine (and I repeat, use imagination beside pictures) , you are talking to these group of girls.

Normally your eyes will pick the most embarrassing place to look at while speaking to them.

Here what you should do , is to see where your eyes pick to stare , then have a conversation with these girls while fixating your eyes at this forbidden area.

Stare intensely where fear to stare is triggered , and keep talking for 5-10 minutes . I used to look at “Date questions” on my phone , then answer these questions while staring. You will feel your mind is blocked at giving throughout answers because you are occupied by resisting staring.

And here where you deal with compulsions at the same time. While doing these exercises you will feel compelled to resist your eyes movements , compelled to flex your eyes and face muscles , compelled to give short answers and asking short questions..etc,

Here where you can deal with compulsions , do the most things that make you uncomfortable , from the comfort of your home! I want you to detect and learn your compulsions and stop doing them during the exercises. It needs practice and experience to know the compulsions.

And I used videos too. Before, my staring was triggered strongly by excessive hand gestures . So I watched this video repeatedly while staring at the girls hands.

Notice the girl is wearing a revealing top. That what makes hand gestures very triggering in this case , because when my eyes follow the hands , the girl will think I am staring at her boobs. Your brain is clever at picking up the most embarrassing things to to.

Even better exercises to do !:

For months of staring at photos and videos , I was making good progress. But I felt something is missing. I go to social interactions , I still stare (but much less) , then I couldn’t replicate these situations in pictures and videos.

I didn’t feel the same anxiety and staring when I looked at the pictures , compared to the real situation.

So  I read about a study that demonstrated you can gain strength and muscle size using your imagination! (source dailymail)

And “Imaginal exposure” is actually well documented in science (source).

So I used two methods for imaginal exposure , the first method , is when I notice staring triggering situations in real life , I go back home and re-imagine the exact situation , then stare at the feared areas. Then keep staring and talking to people in my imagination.

Very very powerful exercise , you have to try it to believe it. You have to feel the pain of opposing the long rotten reflex in your brain. You will feel so much relief.

I used to question and doubt the efficacy of Imaginal exposure for a long time. Keep your mind open , and try it before you judge it!

Dealing with obsessions:

I said before , that obsessions are the fuel to staring. Doing above exercises will not go far , if strong obsessions are hindering you. It is like an uphill battle.

So how to deal with obsessions ?

By two methods.

For me, the strongest trigger to obsessions and ruminations is imagining an upcoming social situation , and how you will stare at this situation , how you will ruin the interaction and fuck up your life. How you will creep people at these situations..etc,

And you keep ruminating about solutions all day. Keep thinking about things to ease your mind and make you feel better.

So you keep doing this over and over for years without seems to stop.

So what I’ve started to do , is to use the above imaginal exercise to stop obsessions. How?

Whenever a social situation pop up in my mind , then I start to anticipate staring and ruminate about solution. I start to challenge my mind.

I imagine myself in these situation , and keep staring intensely for minutes at private parts. And talk to people and creep them.

It is very very enjoyable exercise. You feel free from the prison of obsessions . You feel free from pain.

The social situations will keep popping in your mind. Take advantage of them ! Imagine yourself a these situations , and how staring is intense there..then keep staring. Doing the opposite of what your mind wants you to do! Your mind wants you to seek solutions , no , challenge it and put yourself in these situations!

That’s much more powerful than pictures , because your mind can create more scary situations. Your mind also always pick for you horrible scenarios. Thanks mind for giving us valuable exercises!

So you will cut the loop of obsessions by challenging them , and putting yourself inside the social situations that your mind scare you about.

Add to this , when you go to a social situation that triggers staring , you can go to the bathroom or isolated area , the images of the situation are fresh in your mind. Imagine them and stare stare stare , then talk to people in your mind (lengthy talk) while staring.

Doing the above exercises (Photos, videos, Imagination) will give you results in few days. You will notice these results and be hooked to do these exercises forever.

This article has not been finished yet . I still want to talk about “Anxiety” , “Accepting Staring”..etc, More to come !